I'm so distraught right now I don't know what to do. Adam, my ex is trying to "reason" with me about Indy. First of all, we've been together for years and we just recently broke up a few weeks ago. He's wanting me to come back home and I really want to go back as well. But that means that I have to give Indy away. And that will absolutely tear me to pieces. Adam doesn't want an inside dog and we were in the process of getting a new house before I moved out so we could all have more room and so we could start our lives together. Indy is my heart dog, I owe everything to him. Before he came around I was deeply depressed and couldn't find a way out. Adam was there for me, but I just couldn't figure out why I felt the need to have a dog. After all, it's just a dog right? Not to me. Indy was the light to my darkness, he always brings a smile to my face and clears my head when I've had a bad day. He's a missing part of my soul and just the thought of giving him up is tearing me apart. That's what I can't get him to understand. That Indy is a living being and not "just a dog." That I would give almost anything to make sure he is cared for and okay before myself. And if I made the choice to re-home him that I will never be the same again. We tried compromising about it, but he wont do it. He says that "he can't live with an inside dog" no matter the circumstance. He's done it before with Indy since I brought him home and he told me that he wouldn't be able to do it again because he wouldn't be happy and it would cause fights for us. I know that Adam is the guy I will marry one day. I can't just walk away from him either. I've tried getting him to see how I feel but he just counters back with how he feels about Indy being inside. I don't know what to do. I can't choose between them and that's what he's asking me to do.

Wow...relationships are about compromise, and if that's something he is not willing to do then it's his loss. Course that's just my honest opinion. Sounds to me like he may be a bit jealous of your new found love for Indy. He needs to get over it, grow up, and be a man. If Cory (whom I love entirely) told me to get rid of Kale or it's over, I'd cut him loose, just like that. If you can't take me and my "family" then your not worth my time. I'm a packaged deal. I know it's hard and emotional, but deep down you know the exact path to take.

Keaton tried that with me when I wanted Zoey. We compromised on him not needing to walk them/take them to classes/anything that actually requires work. Which is fine with me, I have no issue doing it. I know he would never, ever expect me to get rid of them, but if he ever even said anything like that he'd be out of our life in a second, which he knows.

Brooke and Jennet are right, compromise is the heart of every relationship. It's give and take, and Adam sounds to me like he's being pretty selfish. It's unfair of him to make you choose, and he needs to realize that. Stand your ground, and do not rehome Indy for him. If he truly loves you, he will figure out that you and Indy are a packaged deal and will be able to make that compromise. If not, well then you can wait to find the person who loves you and your fur family. That was a big thing for Aaron, he hated cats and is even mildly allergic to them, but never once considered telling me to get rid of them. Conversely, Lulu and I have a tenuous relationship at best, but I've seen what that kind of a choice does to a person and I vowed years ago to never make someone get rid of a pet.

If he really loves you then he would do anything to make you happy. He would understand that Indy is apart of you're life and not just a "pet" but part of you and is part of a family. He sound's kind of controlling and if he's telling you to get rid of you're dog now, what's next? I wouldn't put up with that at all! You obviously are a dog person, so being with this guy are you prepared to never having a dog again? I have 5 dog's and the guy I'm talking to lives in an apartment and isn't really a dog person either, but I told him there's no way I'm leaving my dog's behind! No man is worth giving my dog's up in my eyes and would never change the person I am for another person. I would seriously sit down and have a heart to heart conversation with this dude and lay down the law, because him asking you to give up you're dog is just NOT right at all! Sorry, if I sound rude, but men tend to rub me the wrong way with certain issues and this is one of them. I hope all work's out for you girl!

IMO, this is not an issue about Indy at all. Rather it is an opportunity for you to REALLY look at Adam's reaction to this "hurdle" in your relationship. Relationships are hard work and require lots of giving. True love is made up of countless sacrificial acts. As someone else pointed out, Adam should see you and Indy as a packaged deal. There will be things that you will sacrifice to be with Adam (I would hope), I just don't think Indy should be on the "chopping block". My 2 cents...

hypers987 wrote:

Wow...relationships are about compromise, and if that's something he is not willing to do then it's his loss. Course that's just my honest opinion. Sounds to me like he may be a bit jealous of your new found love for Indy. He needs to get over it, grow up, and be a man. If Cory (whom I love entirely) told me to get rid of Kale or it's over, I'd cut him loose, just like that. If you can't take me and my "family" then your not worth my time. I'm a packaged deal. I know it's hard and emotional, but deep down you know the exact path to take.

Absolutely 100% agreed.

You are a wonderful woman who is a TREASURE! You deserve to find a man who treats you, AND everything you love as a packaged deal with open arms. DO NOT BELIEVE THE LIE that he is the BEST that you could find in this life. I ASSURE you, he is not.

Honey, if he really, truly, loved you...he would NEVER ask for you to give up Indy.

I'm really confused... if you broke up, why does he want you to move back home? You've had Indy for how long? If you only broke up a few weeks ago, did Indy live with him at one point? Why does he think that he has the right to decide this for you?

I'm with everyone else... this isn't about Indy, this is about you and Adam. Regardless of them being dogs, a significant other (of either gender) shouldn't demand that ANYONE give up ANYTHING that isn't directly affecting the relationship. It'd be one thing if you had 50 dogs, or were drinking your life away... but a single dog (heart dog or not) is NOT something another person gets to "decide" for you. That's YOUR choice. Not his. Don't let him make it his.

ETA: RIGHT ON, Nikki!

added : So, I asked the guy I'm talking to about this situation and he made a good point and said that if you guys broke up once then there is a chance you could break up again. It would really suck if you gave Indy away and you guy's ended up breaking up again and then you would be out of both.

All great advice. I'll just add what I dealt with personally in hopes it helps.

I dated for years trying my best to avoid a relationship with a woman that had kids. I never wanted kids and the issues they bring to a relationship. Well, I turned around one day and realized I was 40+ years old and hadn't found the right person with my list of criteria. So I decided to date a woman with "grown" kids. Long story short I fell in love with her but not her kids. I realized though it's a packaged deal (and pets should be looked at the same way). We married and to this day her kids and I don't have much to do with each other as my definition of "grown" is not the same as hers. My wife understands my feelings and we cope when things arise. It takes work and compromise from both of us but if I ever made her "choose" I would definitely lose the love of my life.

One more though. A dogs lifespan is 15 years or so, kids are forever.

Did you ever ask Adam why he doesn't like "indoor dogs"? I'm curious to know why the sudden change of heart in you keeping a dog now when he has lived with Indy before.

In the end, it is up to who you find more important, Indy or Adam. Personally, I wouldn't stand for such a cruel ultimatum as that shows what type of person Adam is and if this is truly someone worth spending the rest of your life with.

If you want to keep Indy, stand your ground and don't compromise. Show Adam that moving back in is not that important to you if it means making this sacrifice. There will be a lot of butting heads, but if Adam really does love and respect you, he will eventually break down and be open to working out a more suitable compromise that doesn't require re-homing Indy

All good advise.

All I have to add is....

Indy will give you unconditional love no matter what happens. Indy will greet you with excitement and love everytime you come home. He'll wait patiently for you to come home. Indy will know when you're sad and will be right by your side. He'll never ask you to chose. He'll be quick to forgive. Indy will also challenge you. And Indy has already brough light in your heart when there was darkness - Indy is your best friend forever....

Can't say more than what has already been said. Hun I know what it's like to be in this sort of situation. Relationships are about compromise, and for him to just flat out refuse to be with you because you want Indy is not right. My ex was a real piece of work and tried to make me feel like things were "my fault" because I wouldn't do as he asked. I was totally in the mindset that he was "the one" and all of the issues that came up were just issues I had to work on to make things "OK." THAT'S BS. I love dogs, I LOVE my dogs. If someone doesn't love me with my dogs, there's no way in any form of the word that he could be "the one."

If you have made all efforts to keep Indy clean and groomed in the house and there's still a problem... you've made the effort, you've came halfway he needs to meet you there. Otherwise if it isn't Indy, it will be something else.

Instead of considering just the dog, go ahead and decide how much of your life you're willing to give away to be with a guy. If he's willing to use your relationship as an bully tactic to get his way, it's not really a relationship.

Just remember, you broke up for a reason. It's only been a couple weeks, so chances are, nothing has changed.

Preaching to the choir, I know. But here goes. When I get a dog it is not something I take lightly. Getting a dog is a commitment for life. It is a promise I make to my dog and myself. No circumstance barring my death will separate me from my animals. I have even made arrangements with my grown children to care for my animals if something happens to me. I would question the intentions of anyone who tries to separate me from something I care about so deeply. Huskies cannot stay outside in summer Texas heat so it really isn't an option for him to be outside anyway. Any ultimatum about my animals would be a deal breaker for me. Giving in now about such an important issue means you reinforcing Adam's demanding behavior, and will mean that you will expected to yield to other issues in the future. Does he really love you if he sees how much pain you are in over your dog and still insists on getting his way? Best of luck to you no matter what you decide and hugs and kisses to Indy.

I hate to say it, but it seems like you are answering your own question by saying he Indy was a missing link for you. You and Adam recently broke up and who's to say you get rid of Indy and then you two break up again.

If Indy is the one that completes you, and gets you through the bad times then I think it is a choice you have to make to move on. There are wonderful guys out there that will compromise with you and not make you get rid of you child.

What if you would have had children before him, would he not be with you?

A relationship can not be one sided becasue it will never work. You will resent him for making you get rid of Indy and it will destroy the two of you. If he cant see that, it isnt worth it.

I'm sorry, I know it isnt what you want to hear, but sometimes you need to.

I agree with everybody!!! Sweety, you're very young, and I know that you feel he's the ONE. I've been there. Was with my ex for 7 years! Everything pointed to that he was the one that I would marry. Well, long story short, he moved to back to his country (Nicaragua) and wanted me to go with him. No way I was leaving the US to live there!!! He made the decision to move away from me and that was that. I honestly did love him very much. He still holds a very special place in my heart, but life throws crazy curve balls at you. I'm very happily married now and love the little family that we have (us and furkids). I couldn't picture my life without them.

It's not just about Indy. This is a test as to how much he truly loves you. He loves you with all of his heart he wouldn't be able to see you suffer by giving Indy away. I'm not saying that he doesn't love you, but he's putting his selfishness before his love and that's wrong.

Of course, everyone here on a Husky forum would say to leave the guy and keep the dog, but putting all bias aside, that's pretty much right. I noticed that you are 20 years old. You have a TON more life ahead of you to find a guy that can tolerate an "inside" dog that is part of your life. Trust me, there are a million of those guys out there! If he loves you and you love him, you need to be able to compromise. If you can't, then later down the road when another conflict arises, then you'll have another problem.

Love and relationships are hard work, but that's what your boyfriend, spouse, or whatever you have is supposed to be there for, to work with you and COMPROMISE to make it manageable. My girlfriend and I spent a REALLY LONG time deciding on whether or not to get a Husky while in college. It took a lot of negotiating and decision making on both of our parts to compromise and get one. We work hard at our relationship between us and especially with Dakota every day, but it's worth it and we love each other. Ultimately you two need to decide together. I'm sorry about what you're going through

I agree with everyone 100% on here. Like a few said if he telling you to give up Indy what will he ask you to give up next.
Your only 20???? You still have your whole life in front of you. I would just walk away from from him and consider him a closed chapter in your book of life and time to start a new one. Besides the next guy you meet might want 10 dogs in the house.

Don't do it.
If you give Indy away, you will regret it for the rest of your life.
Seriously.
From your description of Indy, I can tell he's part of your identity.
Anybody who asks you to get rid of your dog is not "the one."
It's like the people who say "if you love me, you'll convert to my religion" or "if you love me, you'll move to (a horrible city) so we can be close to my mom."

No-No-No! This is control, not love.
Marriage is compromise. Both people have to keep their identity.

As Popeye used to say, "I yam what I yam."
And you, young lady, are a husky person.

everyone has given great advice so far.

i remember the first time i went to meet ken, i wore jeans and a hoodie, my mom said to me "your wearing that?!" and i said yes, if he does not like me in this then he is not the guy for me. but love is about compromise and ken did not like my nose ring so i did not wear the ring in it anymore, i still have the hole but i respect him and i can do that for him. we all have things we are willing to change or give up for love but we all have to stand our ground on somethings.

same thing here, Indy is "you" (a big part that i don't think is worth changing) and for someone to ask "you" to change they are not worth your time. your young and there are good men out there.

i wasted 6yrs with a guy till i realized he was draining me, i was about to finish collage and start a new life and he was not gonna be a part of it. at 24 i found my forever love.

Thank you guys! All of your suggestions and opinions are great and I agree with every one 110%. He said that he's always had problems with inside dogs, and yes I knew that, but he tried it because he wanted to make me happy. but now he feels like that if he lets me have Indy back inside that he'll be "giving in" and he'll always be unhappy. We've had Indy for 7 months now as he's 9 months old and he's been inside the whole time. Yes Adam would complain a little every once in a while because Indy would shed more than usual some days, but I tried keeping the dog hair under control. Indy is a great inside dog at only 9 months. He very rarely has accidents in the house and he doesn't eat anything that he's not supposed to if left unattended for short periods of time. I've recently started leaving him to have free roam of my room at night and he's been an angel. Even at only 9 months old! I told him that Indy staying outside was not an option at all and he's not buckling on his side either. I know I may be young, but for my age I have experienced a lot of life so far and I am mature for my age because I've always been very independent since a younger age. To me, this isn't about who's winning what battle. I'm just trying to be happy, and he's just tearing me down every time we talk about it. That door is almost closed and he's about to lose me (and Indy) completely. Maybe later on he'll realize that he's messed up, but I wont be waiting around.

I wouldn't give away any of my animals in order to be with someone. You have ONE dog, not 50. If he's not willing to make that compromise when he knows how much Indy means to you, you're not meant to be with this person. Dwayne hated cats before mine and he never once asked me to get rid of Biscuit. He LOVES my cat now (I should probably say our cat). I could never be with someone who didn't share my mentality about animals. Nor could I be with someone who wouldn't accept me as I come, animals and all.

Behavior like this is a huge red flag! He is unable to compromise, meaning you may spend much of your relationship unhappy. I know its hard, but I'd break it off now. Someone like this will just continuously break your heart until there is nothing left. You deserve better!

libbybell74 wrote:

You will resent him for making you get rid of Indy and it will destroy the two of you.

I agree with this 100%.

But I have a different take on this perhaps.

How about taking a step back and slowing it down for a bit. Sorry if I'm confused, but it sounds like you two were wanting to plan your future together, planning on moving in together, and ended up breaking up. Maybe moving in together isn't the right thing right now.

I think it might be an idea to start dating him again, but keep living separate. You can keep both this way, and keep trying to figure out if you can keep both forever or not. Owning one dog isn't something like hoarding, drug use, alcoholism, or anything like that, and shouldn't be given as an ultimatum.

You say he is the guy you want to end up with, so don't just drop him, but if he doesn't feel the same way about you, it won't work either way.

Actually, I take back what I said earlier, maybe dating him right now isn't the best idea. Spend some time apart and see if your feelings for each other remain. And by some time, I'd say a few months, not mere weeks. I've seen people in the perpetual break-up, get back together cycle because they are in a rut together, and never allow themselves to get out. Figure out if you're in a rut, or if this is a small hurdle that'll teach you two how important you are to each other, and how trivial these problems are in the big picture.