So as most you know we got a new puppy yesterday (Kody) and our 4yr old girl (Mya) seems pretty down. We've been giving her most of the attention since he got here so that she doesn't feel replaced, but she's acting so weird. She doesn't want to play with us, doesn't want to catch the ball, and just seems distant. She's been ok with him accept for the occasional growl here and there. He tries to play with her, but she ignores him most of the time. She did try to play with him earlier for a few minutes, but that's all. She snapped at him a few minutes ago because they both tried to go through the same door way at the same time. He's a puppy, but he stood his ground.

I'm worried that she doesn't feel special anymore or that they won't get along. Is this normal? My mom says it's like having a new baby...the older one feels 2nd for a bit and then they love each other. This is breaking my hear though. She's our princess and I don't want her to feel replaced

Aww. This is quite normal behavior. With bringing home a new pup, even an older pup, it takes a period of adjustment for anyone. When we got Hailey, she wouldn't let Koda NEAR her without growling or snapping at him. It's a huge change and it's just going to take time. She'll figure it out sooner or later.

Remember, dogs don't feel emotions like people do. We have no idea what's actually going on in their heads, so we get into trouble when we attribute human emotions like jealousy, betrayal, and hurt to them. They also have no concept of time. So whereas it seems like she's going to be hurt right now, once she settles in with the new addition, she'll forget there was ever a time without him.

It takes a good 3 months, I'd say, before they both find their places. Just be careful of how you feed them. I would feed them separately, in their crates for a while, and make sure you feed Mya first. Don't break up or scold arguments that end as quickly as they began. Let them work out their own pack order. That won't really settle in for a good 6 months.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but even if she is feeling a bit "hurt" and "unspecial," unless you plan on her being an only dog forever, she's gotta get over it You just have to give it time.

Koda wrote:

It takes a good 3 months, I'd say, before they both find their places. Just be careful of how you feed them. I would feed them separately, in their crates for a while, and make sure you feed Mya first. Don't break up or scold arguments that end as quickly as they began. Let them work out their own pack order. That won't really settle in for a good 6 months.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but even if she is feeling a bit "hurt" and "unspecial," unless you plan on her being an only dog forever, she's gotta get over it You just have to give it time.

Thanks so much! You've made me feel a lot better and especially my husband that's very upset over how she's acting. I'm feeding them in separate rooms and take Mya's food in first. I also took Mya on her morning daily walk to the park by herself and few hours later we took them both on the afternoon/evening walk. She doesn't like when he walks next to her..she growls at him....and poor baby just wants to be with her. I've also put him in his crate for an hour or so a few times throughout the day to give her a break from him. He's a baby so she just sleeps. It will be hard to not get into their arguments...i don't want her to hurt him.

I got him for her to have a buddy. I felt really bad that she didn't have a companion. I guess she will get over it and accept him. I suppose she's doing alright and I'm probably being an over paranoid mommy I must admit that my husband is handling it much worse than me, but that's probably b/c Mya was his first dog. I've had dogs at my parents house my entire life. 3-4 at a time and big ones too! See them fight pretty bad though so that's part of why i'm scared.

Make sure each of them has their own space in the house. Does Mya have a crate? I would put their crates in the same room but separate them by a few feet. Feed them in their crates. Let them see each other eat.

Giving them each time alone is something you should do anyway, so make sure if Mya is getting alone time, Kody does too. It's good for your bond with both of them.

Walking them together is something that should happen every day. Walk them on short leashes (6 ft or less). This is a MAJOR bonding activity. For now, walk with your husband while each of you holds one. As time goes on, move them closer together. Eventually, they should be able to be walked by the same person.

Stay out of their arguments, but you're right to interfere if it looks like she's going to hurt him. You certainly don't want that. But he'll hold his own and they need to sort it out on their own.

Lastly, for now, I would take away all toys in the house. They should only get toys when they are alone, until they can be together for long periods of time without a scuffle. Toys create possession and right now, they just need to learn to like each other. When one is in his/her crate for some alone time, then they can each get a toy. Until then, I would take toys away for about a month.

When we first got Hailey, they fought daily. Literally several times a day. After a week, it was once a day. After a month maybe once a week, and it widdled itself down until 4 months later, there was no more fighting. Now look at them! Check out their scrapbook. The two are inseparable and you'd NEVER know that 8 months ago, they couldn't be within a foot of each other without fighting or growling.

People often think these things will happen overnight, but it takes time. Think about it-- would you play and be best friends with someone you just met? Growling, fighting, keeping their distance is their way of getting to know each other, communicating and talking. We're the ones that attribute such fear with their fights. Let me ask you this, when you pull them away, what do they do? I expect Kody looks at you smiling and wagging his tail, and Mya probably looks at you like "What?" right? They're probably thinking, "We were just discussing something Mama!"

Yep, Mya has a crate, but we don't put her in there anymore. It's in our room and she does go in there to sleep on her own. We leave her locked up in our room while we're at work with the tv on since she doesn't destroy anything anymore. Just have to make sure to put all socks and underwear away! LOL. We put his crate in room also, but on the other side of our bed. Oh, I totally messed up with the toys then b/c he raided her toy box! I just took them all away and left one in each of their crates (closed of course in case they go into each others). Wow, they fought that often Tori ( )? You definitely had your hands full! I hope it doesn't get that bad with them.

You don't HAVE to take the toys away. I just usually suggest removing them for a time to let them get to know each other better before they start to learn to share. It's the difference between walking in and seeing a stranger using your stuff and seeing a friend, you know?

We had a tough time because Hailey was such a unique case. She was severely neglected and when we took her, she came with absolutely nothing of her own and nothing that smelled like her into a house full of new smells and that was clearly another dog's territory. She was scared and defensive, with no allies and nothing familiar. It took her a long time to feel comfortable with Koda and with her new situation. She was people friendly immediately though. I was lucky in that I work from home, so I was able to be with them and supervise them daily, all day. Hailey would sleep at my feet and Koda would walk up every once in a while and sniff her and try to play. When he did, she'd growl. She doesn't like being sniffed by another dog until she gets to know him/her. They would fight horribly when toys were involved though. We took away toys for almost 3 months.

I suggest feeding and such in the crate simply because it's each of their safe places. Crates are wonderful tools and a great way to control a situation. Feeding time can be a high anxiety time if not properly controlled, especially with new dogs. Feeding in each of their crates allows them to feel safe while eating, but also allows them to see that the other is being fed and not interested in each other's food. Resources (like food and toys) are the number ONE thing they will fight over. Controlling those things allows them to get to know each other on their own terms, while making them feel safe and secure for when those things are reintroduced in a less controlled environment.

I hope that makes sense

I took the inside toys away because Mya wasn't too comfortable with him raiding her toy box, but I left the outside toys there. I don't let her (well now them) bring the outside toys in the house b/c they're full of dirt. We get MORE THAN ENOUGH dirt coming in with just their paws...lol. I spent 2 hours cleaning today and within the hour...yep...dirty again...lol.

Aww poor Hailey! I'm so glad that you found her and gave her a great loving home. Poor baby must have been scared. No wonder she would growl at Koda! Kody is kind of in the same situation even though he's only 3 months, but he came into her territory with nothing of his own. He's young though so it's a lot easier for him. The crate is a GREAT GREAT TOOL! More for Kody now though than Mya. She's used to not being in there anymore. If i lock in the crate to eat she will get very upset. Don't get me wrong it is her safe place. When we give her a rawhide or treat she takes it straight there, but if i were to lock that gate she would be very upset. Kody is a baby and feels very comfortable in there so far.

The ONE THING I made 100% clear to my husband is that absolutely no RAWHIDES NEAR when they are together. If we give one to Mya I make sure that she finished it before we left Kody in. If she didn't I put it away. She REALLY REALLY takes those things personal. You have no idea! If we do that then we'll be ok.

Thanks Tori....you're awesome and you know what you're talking about!

My dogs have been together for 4 years now and Nikki is still very possessive over rawhides (i dont give them to her often due to that) She will give up any other toy very easily. Luckily, she understands that if i want the rawhide, it's mine..so i dont have to challenge her for it. Infact today one was lying on the ground and nikki was near it and i just happened to walk in the room to her being very tense giving him the stare with the ears flat and she had him kind of pinned up against the side of the couch and if he would have gone for it she would have jumped him i'm sure, but luckily i broke that off before anything happened. The funny part about that is that she follows him in every other way unless bones are involved. Walking my two together was THE BEST way of having them bond. They aren't best friends by any means, but they tolerate and enjoy each other's company. They both would much prefer their own personal space rather than lying next to each other.

we've gotten lucky so far, no tuffles between embry and zoey. we have had to take all the toys and bones away because embry is extremely possessive over them. embry hates his crate but we still went out and got zoey her own, which she loves. we let her have her rope toy that she had at the breeders in it
we can't feed them together though, so embry gets his in the kitchen and zoey gets hers in the living room spare crate.

they bonded really quick, maybe because they're similar in age, zoey is 4 months, and embrys 14 months. they just run around all day long, and i can walk them both at the same time and they're fine with it.

i'm sure as Kody gets older Maya will become way more interested in him

We did the same with the crates even though Mya doesn't use hers really. We leave her in our room while we're at work and she really only goes in her crate to eat a rawhide and to sleep sometimes if she's in the mood. My husband wanted to give Kody her crate, but i told him that he was nuts! Yep, once he's older I'm sure that they'll get along better. Now Mya just sees him as an annoying little thing that barks in her face..lol.

Yours are so cute together!!!!!!!!!!!