So, I know exactly why this lady targets us, but what I don't understand why she feels the need to continuously bully me. I honestly think its simply because I disagreed with her unwanted, and unsolicited training advice about Dizzy within the first couple weeks I brought him home. See this thread. Today we were out for our morning walk, and he got the zoomies, so I started playing chase and tug with him.

She was walking by with her robot dog who started to get excited and wanted to play too, and said, "You think you're actually going to show that dog?" First of all, I was honestly totally shocked, I mean what business of hers is it and why does she feel the need to comment? I am never good with a quick response, I'm more of the 'wish I would have said this' kind of person. So I just said, "Wow! Bitchy, bitchy!" Not my finest moment, but I was fighting back tears and it was 5:30 am. Why can certain people just cut you straight to the bone with one comment? She won that round, it was obvious she got to me...

Anyway, she claims to be a trainer, and I think I know who she is (and quite frankly with her credentials, she should be a bit more professional), but I want to do a little more digging to make sure I have her name correct. The next time I see her, I'm going to call her by name, and politely and simply ask her to shove her opinion up her a$$ and keep it to herself, in more euphemistic terms of course. I honestly haven't felt this way since high school. I've encountered adult bullies before, but not to this degree. She seems to go out of her way to do so. Is there anything I can do if she won't leave us alone? Would this qualify as harassment if I tell her to stop and she continues? I'd like to be able to enjoy our morning walks.

No worthy trainer I know would speak to someone like that. Even force free trainers who observe people using pinches would ever speak like that.

Probably not considered harassment since its just a dig at you here and there but she's being completely unprofessional and if it was me I would take it to social media. Or tell her you will show people how she really interacts with "potential" clients. But that's just me.

Next time she comments, tell her you can see she clearly has opinions, but she should really keep them to herself as she is making herself sound like an idiot. Ignore her as much as possible, if she continues, tell her her unprofessionalism is obvious and you are not afraid to spread the word, like Kristina said, social media. It can do a lot of harm, if she realises this she should leave you be.

We have had loads of unsolicited advice from "trainers" I promptly told one go shove it when she told me how to train Ripley. Sorry this is my (at the time) half deaf foster dog, you have no idea of her situation, so don't presume that you should give me advice. We even had friends at the dog park telling her, no you don't know this dog, it will not work. Stop talking.

Keep doing what you're doing. Dizzy is doing great from what I can tell. There will always be unsolicited advice, if its given in good faith, be polite, if its given like this lady, show her you wont take that crap.

That's what I figured too, I doubt the nypd would be interested. I like your ideas about social media, but she doesn't really seem to have much of a presence there if I am correct on who she is. However, her company does partner (training) for a fairly popular dog daycare that offers training in the neighborhood, so that might be an option. I would actually like to record on video some of this so I can have some proof. Dizzy does have some issues, but a) he's a 5.5 month old puppy and b) I generally consider the first 10-15 min of our morning walk, our fun walk where pretty much anything goes. It's the time for him to be a crazy puppy, get the zoomies out, chase pigeons, pounce on leaves, roll around on the sidewalk, play with me and other dogs if anyone is around and interested, and have fun! Yeah he was zooming around like psycho puppy this am, but that is his time to do that!

I shouldn't let it bother me, and with most people it doesn't, but for some reason this lady gets under my skin!

If it were up to me, I would once again try to be polite and tell her to keep her opinions to herself. If it continues, I would either be a b*tch about it or kill her with kindness. I've had a couple of run ins with people that I've gone off on (without swearing) and they've never bothered me after that. Sometimes you have to be a b*tch and show the bully that you will stand up for yourself. Most bullies I've known tend to back down after that. Or you can tell her (oozing with friendliness), thank you SO much for your opinion, I hope you have a WONDERFUL day!

You can also try to ignore her but I couldn't do it. Keep us updated!

Honestly people are idiots. I tell people I have trainer already even before I did thats what I said to get them off my back and I say we are in the process of training. I had a few people comment about bella and jaspers horrible behavior when we went out for collars a fews after I got them and a flat out said loud enough for the entire small store to hear that I got a few days ago they were strays with zero training so I didnt think they were doing to bad especially looking at their background. What really gets to me is the grown men with huge labs that cant stop their dogs from charging at us or just cant hold the dog.

I tried to go off on her this morning, but she tends to be one that drops a comment and walks off. Also a huge pet peeve of mine. I am reading up on bullies, and I've read your idea of killing with kindness is a pretty good strategy, but I am not sure I could be that fake lol. It's a skill I'm sort of lacking in, I don't have a very good poker face, let alone being able to hide/fake my emotions, which apparently is an important skill to have lol. However, I'm generally a non-confrontational person, which is why I always blurt out something instead of having a quick comeback (the confrontation catches me off guard), so maybe that's the best way to go. bella/jasper, I hear you, and I know had I said that to her, she would have said, well, you need a new trainer, or some other mean response. I think she's just an ugly person that you can't win with unless you worship her. You guys are making me feel better, thank you for your support and ideas!

Just want to take different perspective, so please do not get upset. You know it is really hard to be mean to a nice person. You may be feeding the fire with some things you said. I think you know this from your post. Also, you do not know if her intentions are good or bad. Some people are just not tactful, but have good intentions. The next time she says something. Say I know I have been trying to work with him. Not on the automatic sit (showing her you do listen) but on leave it or whatever you want his behavior to be when seeing other dogs. Then, gasp, ask her to help by walking her dog by yours a few times so you can get a little training in.

In this case there are 2 possible outcomes. One in which you get more training opportunities when you see them which is a win win for both. Or it forces her to be mean to someone asking for help. In which case you come out as the better person.

Mind you I live in midwest, not nyc so people here may just be different.

techigirl78 wrote:

Just want to take different perspective, so please do not get upset.  You know it is really hard to be mean to a nice person.  You may be feeding the fire with some things you said.  I think you know this from your post.  Also, you do not know if her intentions are good or bad.  Some people are just not tactful, but have good intentions.  The next time she says something.  Say I know I have been trying to work with him.  Not on the automatic sit (showing her you do listen) but on leave it or whatever you want his behavior to be when seeing other dogs.  Then, gasp, ask her to help by walking her dog by yours a few times so you can get a little training in.

In this case there are 2 possible outcomes.  One in which you get more training opportunities when you see them which is a win win for both.  Or it forces her to be mean to someone asking for help.  In which case you come out as the better person.

Mind you I live in midwest, not nyc so people here may just be different.

How DARE you disagree with me!!! Only kidding. You are probably right actually, but I'm also stubborn, and it feels like I'm encouraging her bullying if I ask her for help. I also don't want to see the smug look on her face when I admit 'defeat.' You are definitely right when you say I'm feeding the fire, I just don't react well when strangers verbally attack me on the street and think they know more in 5 seconds about my dog than I do. Especially since she was completely misreading his behavior. In terms of intentions, I'm pretty sure her intention was to get me to pay her for training. She seems to think that she can bully people into feeling like crap about themselves and their dogs, and then offer them the perfect solution through her overpriced training classes. $350 for 6 weeks. I absolutely do need to work on my reactions though, you are right about that.

Jen, could you maybe start small? Like if she makes a snide remark, ignore what she said but tell her, have a nice day and just keep walking. I know it's not as easy for some people to be fake or confrontational. Heck, 15 years ago I was nothing like the person I am today!

SaberK wrote:

Jen, could you maybe start small? Like if she makes a snide remark, ignore what she said but tell her, have a nice day and just keep walking. I know it's not as easy for some people to be fake or confrontational. Heck, 15 years ago I was nothing like the person I am today!

Good idea. I've gotten better since I was a young fiery lass, but have a long way to go.

I'm like you.  I usually can't whip out a response on the spot because I am distracted by the confrontation.  Then I just slap myself for thinking of something better at a later time! lol

So what's easiest for me is to shoot back at her with the exact same question that she asked me.  I know you said she does training, but does she 'show'?  If she doesn't, try this.
Her: "You think you're actually going to show that dog?"
You (don't say in a nasty tone, unless you want to lol): "Do you show your dog?"
Her: "No, I don't."
You: "Then it's none of your f^&king business, is it?" smile and walk off.  You can even add a "Thanks" in there if you want!

I know it's probably not the most politically correct, but it definitely gets your point across.  You have to stand up to the bully to make them back down.  They're just expecting you to cower to them.

lol.  Say it how you like.  If she shoots back and says something like, "No, but I know that's not how you're supposed to show." Then just tell her to eff off and that you spend quality bonding time with your puppy that needs to let out his energy.  It's nearly impossible to keep a puppy's focus on you the entire day.  She should know that, of all people.

Judging by her comment, she isn't a very good trainer due to a) non-professional comment b) doesn't know her breeds (Sibes and how energetic they can be).

What a snob.  She probably has really low self-esteem and has to prove otherwise to herself by bullying others.  I deal with it all of the time in the gaming world (we have a lot of trolls and bullies).  I also deal with it for my car.  I've got a V6 Mustang, but people always go, "Ohhh, it's just a V6..."  "What do you drive? A Toyota? Yeah, that's what I thought" (nothing against Toyotas, it's just usually the regular cars that throw those comments at me).  A REAL motorhead appreciates ALL cars.  Same with trainers.  A real trainer is open to all kinds of ideas on how to spend time with and train your dog.  If they see something incorrect, they should constructively criticize how it should be done.  Not be an ass.

Jen, Cato is the biggest dumbass ever. He chases leaves, pulls me places, jumps all over the place...but when he is on a show lead he knows its business. IMO, my dog is better trained than hers because he knows when to turn it on and off. Don't worry about having a puppy, let him be a little wild sometimes,

Dizzy is learning this too. He still gets those puppy moments, but for the most part when we are in class, or practicing with his show lead outside he is pretty good. I'm pretty proud of him for that.

VintageJeans wrote:

I'm like you.  I usually can't whip out a response on the spot because I am distracted by the confrontation.  Then I just slap myself for thinking of something better at a later time! lol

So what's easiest for me is to shoot back at her with the exact same question that she asked me.  I know you said she does training, but does she 'show'?  If she doesn't, try this.
Her: "You think you're actually going to show that dog?"
You (don't say in a nasty tone, unless you want to lol): "Do you show your dog?"
Her: "No, I don't."
You: "Then it's none of your f^&king business, is it?" smile and walk off.  You can even add a "Thanks" in there if you want!

I know it's probably not the most politically correct, but it definitely gets your point across.  You have to stand up to the bully to make them back down.  They're just expecting you to cower to them.

lol.  Say it how you like.  If she shoots back and says something like, "No, but I know that's not how you're supposed to show." Then just tell her to eff off and that you spend quality bonding time with your puppy that needs to let out his energy.  It's nearly impossible to keep a puppy's focus on you the entire day.  She should know that, of all people.

Judging by her comment, she isn't a very good trainer due to a) non-professional comment b) doesn't know her breeds (Sibes and how energetic they can be).

What a snob.  She probably has really low self-esteem and has to prove otherwise to herself by bullying others.  I deal with it all of the time in the gaming world (we have a lot of trolls and bullies).  I also deal with it for my car.  I've got a V6 Mustang, but people always go, "Ohhh, it's just a V6..."  "What do you drive? A Toyota? Yeah, that's what I thought" (nothing against Toyotas, it's just usually the regular cars that throw those comments at me).  A REAL motorhead appreciates ALL cars.  Same with trainers.  A real trainer is open to all kinds of ideas on how to spend time with and train your dog.  If they see something incorrect, they should constructively criticize how it should be done.  Not be an ass.

Good idea! I like asking the question back. I'm definitely going to have to use that!

This may sound like a different approach but maybe you could ask someone to walk with you and Dizzy one morning? (I know 5:30am sounds like a BIG stretch for someone) but I found after I got bullied at the dog park, I couldn't go back unless I had another husky owner with me. The people who bullied me before were less apt to bully me now that I had someone else there. Plus it gave me the confidence I needed and I'm one of those people that can give smart ass remarks back in 2 seconds and I was able to stand up for myself better, now most the people leave me alone even if I'm by myself.

It's also very trendy in Manhattan to have a mixed rescue dog, so I already have one strike against me for going to a breeder to get a puppy, strike 2 I'm going to parade him around in some inhumane beauty contest for my own personal gratification, and 3, gasp, I'm not getting him fixed. Well at least according to that clique, I am going to get him fixed at around a year since he only has one descended testicle, but they don't know that.

Mobezilla wrote:

This may sound like a different approach but maybe you could ask someone to walk with you and Dizzy one morning? (I know 5:30am sounds like a BIG stretch for someone) but I found after I got bullied at the dog park, I couldn't go back unless I had another husky owner with me. The people who bullied me before were less apt to bully me now that I had someone else there. Plus it gave me the confidence I needed and I'm one of those people that can give smart ass remarks back in 2 seconds and I was able to stand up for myself better, now most the people leave me alone even if I'm by myself.

My hubby offered and I will take him up on it if she doesn't get the hint but I'd like to deal with her myself if possible.

wpskier222 wrote:

Mobezilla wrote:

This may sound like a different approach but maybe you could ask someone to walk with you and Dizzy one morning? (I know 5:30am sounds like a BIG stretch for someone) but I found after I got bullied at the dog park, I couldn't go back unless I had another husky owner with me. The people who bullied me before were less apt to bully me now that I had someone else there. Plus it gave me the confidence I needed and I'm one of those people that can give smart ass remarks back in 2 seconds and I was able to stand up for myself better, now most the people leave me alone even if I'm by myself.

My hubby offered and I will take him up on it if she doesn't get the hint but I'd like to deal with her myself if possible.

Understandable, unfortunately for me I got multiple owners gaining up on me because Link was 'aggressive' when all he was doing was rough housing with their dogs. It got so bad that when I tried to explain it was husky play they started calling me Cesar Milan, and unfortunately being the typical city snobs they were telling other owners and it got so bad that when I arrived I would always see 5+ dogs leave. And all Link wanted to do was play..

I agree with equalizing it by turning the tables with the same intensity. The power of a bully, a voyeur, a harrasser, etc. is the unchecked spontaneity of it. Once it becomes mutual the power is gone.

If you can 1 up her without escalation, you win.

I agree with equalizing it by turning the tables with the same intensity. The power of a bully, a voyeur, a harrasser, etc. is the unchecked spontaneity of it. Once it becomes mutual the power is gone.

If you can 1 up her without escalation, you win.

Mobezilla wrote:

wpskier222 wrote:

Mobezilla wrote:

This may sound like a different approach but maybe you could ask someone to walk with you and Dizzy one morning? (I know 5:30am sounds like a BIG stretch for someone) but I found after I got bullied at the dog park, I couldn't go back unless I had another husky owner with me. The people who bullied me before were less apt to bully me now that I had someone else there. Plus it gave me the confidence I needed and I'm one of those people that can give smart ass remarks back in 2 seconds and I was able to stand up for myself better, now most the people leave me alone even if I'm by myself.

My hubby offered and I will take him up on it if she doesn't get the hint but I'd like to deal with her myself if possible.

Understandable, unfortunately for me I got multiple owners gaining up on me because Link was 'aggressive' when all he was doing was rough housing with their dogs. It got so bad that when I tried to explain it was husky play they started calling me Cesar Milan, and unfortunately being the typical city snobs they were telling other owners and it got so bad that when I arrived I would always see 5+ dogs leave. And all Link wanted to do was play..

People suck.

I'm going to try all of your suggestions and try to keep in mind "The only bigger fool than the person who knows it all, is the person who argues with him."

Haha, great quote.

$350 for 6 classes? Wow!

I am great at come backs and nice faces. Wish I could be there to take your walk with you. Hope you have a few things to help now.