Alright... so we went to my inlaw's country house for the weekend. For some reason, John and I just completely didn't think of his parent's dog being there (she's fairly new and sometimes they leave her home). Well... this was the first time we met and we weren't really prepared for it (ie- no baby gates to make life easier). Koda, as many of you know, has social issues. He was a stray as a puppy (we got him at 6 months and he was a stray for at least a few months before that) so his crucial socialization period was missing. He is quite dominant, and doesn't do well with dogs who don't understand a husky play style. Instead of leaving them be, he takes their fear as aggression and gets into some pretty nasty scuffles. I've been working with him on it a LOT-- I've started reinforcing the OTHER dog's cues... so when a dog backs away or snarls, I correct Koda's behavior and redirect him. It works, but it is not an overnight process and he doesn't get a lot of socialization. We can't afford daycare right now (career change for me and money is just not there) and we unfortunately don't have any free fenced in dog parks... so we can only socialize with friends/family dogs and that doesn't happen very often. Anyway... this is all background.

Koda and Stella (his parent's dog) did okay at first. Stella is a young puppy-- a mix. And his parents just DON'T give her what she needs. She needs more exercise, socialization and proper training. Their method of training consists of yelling at her and forcing her to do things. Stella is fairly dominant and also lacking social skills. She's small too- about 35 lbs with the build of a greyhound (so thin and fragile). She is, however, very curious, very playful, and very headstrong.

When they met, I kept Koda on a leash the whole time. We walked them together a little in the yard (neutral because neither dog lives there) and they were okay. I continued to keep Koda on a leash inside, but he wasn't confined by it. I let him drag it around so that I could use it to correct him or pull him away if needed. I was actually really proud of him. He ignored Stella a lot... let her sniff him, and would listen to me when I called him off of fixating on her or getting "pushy"... however... Stella is a little stupid and a little relentless. There was a scuffle, we pulled Koda off, Stella was fine and we continued to watch them. However, as time went on, John's parents got more and more anxious. His dad got super overprotective and Koda slowly became "the bad guy." The next scuffle was likely my fault. Koda was sitting at my feet and I gave him my empty water bottle to chew. Stella was nowhere near us, but came up out of nowhere on the other side of me and Koda jumped on her... I THINK he was protecting the water bottle? I'm not sure on that one... I normally don't allow toys, but Koda had been so good and we were forcing him to stick near us more than he wanted to... but anyway... point is after that, his parents made us tether Koda up to the table the rest of the time (for about the next 24 hours). This wouldn't bother me... EXCEPT, Stella was allowed free-roam of the house and there was NO effort made to keep her away from Koda.

Again.. Koda got this label as the aggressor and the bad dog.... and it started to get old... especially when no one kept an eye on Stella or corrected or tethered HER to keep her away. She continuously would wander around, bark at random things, and poke/prod Koda's personal space. I could tell Koda was getting more and more stressed being leashed while everyone else got free-roam of the house. It's a small cabin, but he knew he was being confined while the others weren't. Stella then continued to run up to Koda and he would get territorial. And each time it was "Koda's fault." Everyone would rush to Stella "Oh, is she okay, the poor dog..." and then the last time, Koda was sleeping under the table while we ate, Stella ran up to him, he reacted and then John's dad STUCK HIS HAND IN THE MIDDLE. He got bit, but it was light. A small scratch, but nothing major... and everyone turned on Koda..."OMG-- Koda bit him! Koda bit him! Are you okay?" Once it was established he was barely hurt and we still had the "I can't believe Koda bit him," I finally stepped in and said, "Look, he knows better than to bite a person... you can't stick your hand in the middle of a dog fight and not expect to get bit. It doesn't matter if it was me, John, or any of us. You stick your hand in a dog fight and you're going to get bit." Dearest MIL was not too happy about that... and from then on, I pretty much kept my trap shut and wanted to go home.

Anyway... long story I know... and Koda is my heart dog and I'm protective... I know... but why should I be okay with people setting my dog up to fail? To be the ONLY dog tethered ALL WEEKEND and to have a little dog continuously running up into his space and I'm sorry-- antagonizing him... why should HE be labeled as the bad dog? Why couldn't THEY tether Stella for a little while? We could have kept Koda leashed, but at least give him time and breathing space instead of him having to be on guard all the time?? I know my dog has issues-- and I know we're working on him... but seriously?? I just wanted to scream He's not a bad dog... and my inlaws taking NO responsibility for Stella's part in everything just put me over the edge

/rant... but I'm just still so upset.

I'm sorry, Tori. That really stinks I know how you feel. Mya has tons of issues with other dogs, as you know. Luckily everybody understands and do what they can to make the situation easier.

His parents should have most definitely tethered Stella also! Especially since she was instigating poor Koda. When my parents have their golden (Brandy) over we take turns putting them in the bedroom. They used to get along, but now that Brandy is older she stands up to Mya. That doesn't end good!

Koda is your baby boy and you have the full right to get protective!

Wow - sounds like a hard one to swallow. I'm sorry you're having to go through any of this - and the fact that in-laws are involved isn't making it easier.

It sucks that things turned out the way they did, but at the end of the day, the fact that you know Koda wasn't doing anything wrong stands true... They should have tethered the other dog if they were going to do that to Koda - especially if it wasn't Koda that was instigating it.

I will say, though, good on you for doing whatever you can to minimize any altercations that could have happened. You took care of your own, and at the end of the day, that's all that matters. Somebody sticking their hand in the middle of a dog incident is wholly responsible for their own actions - that doesn't reflect anything on you, so don't let that point get you down. The most important thing out of all of this, is that you still have a dog (2 dogs ) that love you to bits!! It's obvious why they love you and respect you since you obviously know how to take care of them and be a leader.

I really am sorry that you had to go through all this poop - out of all the people in the world, the most questionable are always in-laws...

Now if we could just control humans (read: in-laws) like we do our dogs, the world would be a much better place!

Sending good thoughts and vibes your way!!

Oh gosh I am so sorry. This would drive me crazy. It's not your fault, its really not. It was the OTHER dog instigating the situation, and you did the best you could in the situation. Some people just don't take responsibility.. I'm sorry you had to deal with that

That is really frustrating. I'm sorry it was such a stressful experience for you AND Koda. My in laws are not a dog family, but they want us to come to fiance's grandmas house to stay for multiple days for Xmas. They completely don't understand that if we were to do that Bode would have to come with us, and I KNOW they would not be able to handle him. I told Fiancé he can go if he wants but there is no way I'm going through that stress. Plus I'd rather stay home and cuddle with Bo than go there anyways

Sometimes the holidays can really suck.

If they wanted you to contain Koda to one small small, they should have at least made the effort to keep their dog from invading his small portion of space and redirected her. What's the point of tethering him if the dog is going to continuously go up to him anyway and they're not going to stop it?

As for the bite, as you said, any idiot who puts their hand inbetween two dog's mouths is going to be bit, and it is their own fault and it isn't that the dog "but them," they out their hand in the way. This happened at Koda's second day of daycare ever (dog got caught on his collar, both dogs were going nuts and one of them but the worker mildly when she out her hand between), they tried to file a bite report even though they said they didn't know which one did it, I fought it with AC to keep it off record and won.

Not much to say though. I'd be furious, but I'm not any good at taking shit when I don't agree with anyone, even my parents. Thank god my parents are obsessed with my two.

Tori, the worst part is that it is their turf their rules. At least you have a good reason to decline invites to the cabin and/or house in the future. I think you did more then bend over backwards to satisfy the others

Heather! wrote:

Thank god my parents are obsessed with my two.

I'm so glad my parents are too. Seriously, they text me saying they miss Bode and when will they see him next. Nothing about missing their own daughter...haha.

Thanks everyone

I'm just so frustrated. I am in no way saying that Koda is innocent. I know he's a dick sometimes and he's not an easy dog and he can cause harm... but at least we are working on it and do our best to correct him. I think what just has me fuming is the lack of concern or responsibility taken for the other dog. She is by no means a "small dog" and yet they treat her like a lap dog... "oh she's small, she can't hurt anyone-- Koda is big, therefore he is bad"... they "admit" Stella is "dominant" and yet they just unleash her on other dogs and expect everything to be fine.

Len-- we love going to the house, but we will definitely be thinking twice about bringing the dogs in the future... but that also just sucks-- because the only one who suffers is Koda. He won't get better if we deny him socialization.

What a terrible situation! Did you ask your inlaws to tether their dog aswell? They might have been a bit slow on the up take and not realised their dog was making the situation was worse...

To be honest, I hinted at it, but I didn't ask flat out... by the time we had to tie up Koda, tensions were already so high and they were so protective of Stella, there was little I could have said that wouldn't have made it worse, so we just dealt with it. Koda was just tied up all weekend. His most freedom was outside, but he was tethered out there too...

Sorry this happened Situations like this are unfortunate and it's not fair to the one animal that gets blamed/punished. Smaller dogs can do just as much damage as the big dog and it's not fair to Koda that he had to be tied up all weekend and the other didn't

Poor Koda, might be an idea to set down some ground rules for next time (if there is a next) just so your inlaws know you have expectations of their dog as well - what's good for the goose should be good for gander as well. Sounds like they have done a poor job, and you have tried to cope as best you can, although sometimes it takes exploding a few tensions to get your point across!

Tori- Instead of leaving him at home, can't you just bring a travel crate along and work sporadically on remaining calm and non reactive around their dog? Certainly tying him to the table was probably the worst thing to do- especially leaving her loose...

I know how it is to have family who are completely oblivious to anything "dog." It's especially frustrating when you have a special dog who needs more management than most. Ewe, the Aussie I have, is super reactive and I have to be on management duty with him a lot. But teaching him how to remain calm and ignoring other dogs has helped much more than correcting any negative behavior. Once he reacts or flips out... He's totally over threshold and isn't going to get much out of whatever I do to him (correction or otherwise) so I have to catch him before he crosses that line.

If I were you i'd bring a travel crate and use that to give him breaks and space. That way he isn't totally isolated and travel crates usually are more "denny" than wire crates because they're mostly covered. You can have Koda in one and hopefully make him less interesting to your parents dog to the point where you can bring him out periodically and show him how to appropriately deal with social situations. If he can't handle engaging with them (at least in an appropriate fashion) you can show him that ignoring them and remaining non-reactive is just as valid a choice.

Kristina... I don't have a travel crate, although if necessary I would be happy to get one. We have his regular crate, which he does fine in, but a couple of questions about the execution....Would the crate have to be out of the room, or would that defeat the purpose? Are you suggesting crating him in the room with everyone else or isolating him?

FWIW- I know tethering him was NOT good-- but we weren't given much of an option, unfortunately. John and I were kicking ourselves for leaving baby gates at home and without another option, we were just at a loss.

If he couldn't handle being in the crate while the other dog was loose, initially have him in the other room and bring him out periodically. If he can handle it however, I would 100% encourage you to have him in the same room. That way he can be around the other dog but have a physical space barrier that even a pestering dog can't invade.

And I meant to add that I know it wasn't your idea or something you'd want to do.

I will definitely try that, Kristina I'm open to any and all suggestions. My only concern with that is crying... he hates being separated and hates being the only one separated. I can certainly try and make it more enticing with a peanut butter kong or a marrow bone, but I am not sure if that will redirect his attention too much?

Anything that can positively correlate him relaxing around the other dog is a good thing.

If he can take treats or even pieces of his own kibble around her, you can toss him a piece anytime he even looks at her. It's called the "look at that" game and a good tool in my arsenal in regards to Ewe and his over the top reactivity. It has helped show him (by means of reward) how I want him to interact with other dogs by rewarding him for peaceful and calm actions in regards to other dogs. It doesn't fix over night but it does work.

He's gone from a raging lunatic on a leash to a dog who can calmly work around other dogs while leashed without a second thought.

I would love to do the treat thing, I'd have to separate Hailey out of the mix... she goes nuts for treats and would be too distracting. I'm not sure if the treat thing would work right away. Koda's not usually food aggressive at ALL, but certain situations just don't set it up well. We use the treat method around kids with Koda. He's too excited around kids usually and that's our way of toning him down. Hot dogs work wonders on him.

Thanks for the tips I will definitely TRY this next time.

Your in-laws need to read this - looooove this article. So true and explains so much. Chili hates dogs with bad doggie manners and will growl to remind them of their manners. At which point the people are all "oh! Aggressive dog!" No. your dog is rude and my dog is setting his boundaries because he speaks "dog".

http://www.suzanneclothier.com/the-articles/he-just-wants-say-hi

I LOVE that article, Sam. Every owner should read it!

I bring crates with me if I'm going somewhere with my girls. Like husky camp (though I think I was the only one who did!). I have my travel wire crate for dog shows and soft crates for other places.

I would have thrown Stella in a bathroom for most of the day and explain to them that she'll get bit if she keeps pestering him. I don't think I would have been as nice about it as you were. lol.